Growing up is hard and I don't want to do it

Some wonderful cakes I made on my birthday last year!

My birthday was months and months ago but for some reason I've spent a lot of time in the past few days (actually weeks) thinking about growing, growing older, eventually growing old, growing as a person, growing up and becoming a "grown-up".

It's not helped by the realization that I'm supposedly graduated with my master's degree next year this time. That's SCARY.

I keep self-deprecatingly laughing and telling how I'm totally ready to be forever unemployed but in my heart of heart I know the whole getting ready to leave university and doing grown-up things like getting a job and being good at it feels just way beyond me. Just thinking about applying for jobs is paralyzing.

The other day I was skyping with my parents and none of us could remember how old I am. In the end we had to count it backwards by subtracting from this year the year I was born and even then we spent many minutes wondering, marveling really, just where did all that time go?