Growing up is hard and I don't want to do it

Some wonderful cakes I made on my birthday last year!

My birthday was months and months ago but for some reason I've spent a lot of time in the past few days (actually weeks) thinking about growing, growing older, eventually growing old, growing as a person, growing up and becoming a "grown-up".

It's not helped by the realization that I'm supposedly graduated with my master's degree next year this time. That's SCARY.

I keep self-deprecatingly laughing and telling how I'm totally ready to be forever unemployed but in my heart of heart I know the whole getting ready to leave university and doing grown-up things like getting a job and being good at it feels just way beyond me. Just thinking about applying for jobs is paralyzing.

The other day I was skyping with my parents and none of us could remember how old I am. In the end we had to count it backwards by subtracting from this year the year I was born and even then we spent many minutes wondering, marveling really, just where did all that time go?

No love without freedom

So yeah. Basically my camera is still out-of-order (with the charger still missing!), so here's another I'm-listening-to-this-wayyyy-too-much song - this time from my ever so favorite Dido.

No love without freedom

No freedom without love

And yeah the video is adorable too. 

My New Year's Resolution

The internet is full of wonderful, inspiring New Year's related posts, so I guess I wanted to share a little piece of feelings and thoughts I've had lately... And then I remembered this song, which captures my feelings about this oh so very new year so perfectly.

'Cause if I don't follow my heart this time

I'm gonna forget what this life is all about

I'm gonna take that path I'm going in on my own

I'm gonna take that fear and wear it like a crown

My year 2012 was progressively happier than many of the years before so I can't but be very grateful for that and hope the slow but sure crawl towards happiness and fulfillment continues. My biggest obstacles in the past have all been fear-related, and now I've decided I don't want to be afraid anymore. It takes too much time and energy, and I want to put that time and energy into building a happy life. 

Happy Year 2013 everyone! <3 Onnellista uutta vuotta 2013!

Uudenvuodenlupaukseni ihan vaan itselleni on olla rohkeampi, jotta voin olla onnellisempi. 

Mikäpä sen tärkeämpää.

A Fangirl Moment

This is kind of a weird, unsponsored, "squee-I'm-so-in-love-with-this" -kind of post, so bear with me fir this once.

Picture from Lisa's blog, day 313 of her 

365 days of handlettering -series illustrations.

I stumbled upon the work of Lisa Congdon the other day, and it was love at first sight.

I just wish I had heaps of money, because I would probably buy anything (and everything!) from her etsy-shop. I've always been a fan of pretty prints, and this definitely fits the bill.

(So if you have any extra money laying around, you know what to get me for my birthday which is in two weeks or so.)

But yeah, I just love all these beautiful and fun things made by her and I hope you will too. :D

All these conversations we have with ourselves

This is a very much unrelated picture of a beautiful flower I photographed in Istanbul last spring. 

Flowers are pretty and remind us of the frivolity of time and how change is constant though, 

and those are always good lessons to keep in mind. 

I've been doing a lot of self-reflection and trying to figure out what all kinds of things mean to me and how to deal with the life I have now. In addition to that I've also been crazy busy actually living that life, seizing the moment and living it to the fullest.

So, I was very happy when I stumbled upon the Conversation - Honest Talk with Amanda de Cadenet the other day, through a blog I'm sorry I can't remember just now. (That often happens if I'm busy, I just open the interesting links to a new tab and then go through them when I have time, sometimes even days later.)

Anyway, the thing that amazed me about the show/videos was how very refreshing and inspiring watching through the episodes was (and yes, you can watch them overseas like me!) and how interesting conversations Amanda was able to have with these super celebrities that often say nothing for wanting to protect their privacy (and there's nothing wrong with that!). But anyway, I was tremendously interested and inspired to see what people like Olivia Wilde and Gwyneth Paltrow had to say about relationships and getting through tough times. So if you're interested in hearing (and seeing) some very thought-provoking and honest(!) conversations, check all the episodes out here. There's actually a whole community built upon this, which I also find very interesting and inspiring.

Interesting and inspiring, my two key words for today it seems.

Well, I also happen to think that those (interest and inspiration) are the two driving forces behind many beautiful things, together with passion and wonder. Combine all of these and you're set for life.

One of the questions Amanda asked her guests/interviewees/conversation partners (as well random people on the street) was what advice they would give to their 14-year-old selves. I find that a very good and thought-provoking question; I think I'll try to answer that in my next post!


Listening to: Regina Spektor - Patron Saint (Though the whole 'What We Saw From the High Seats' album is very, very good.)

People are weird, but fascinatingly wonderful.

This following video was definitely one of the more fascinating online experiences lately.



PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

Basically, it's based on PostSecret idea, except it's all in front of a video camera, which takes takes the anonymity away, except it doesn't, when you share the experience with a big bunch of other people. Still at the same time, each secret is so unique, so full of wonder and shame and secrecy and... all kinds of feelings, really.

It's so interesting to see the play of feelings and thought on these people's faces and wonder, what would I say? What would I feel?

Because we all do have secrets. Sometimes we keep them secret even from ourselves.

Where did all that time and money go? - No Spend Month

Read all my posts on No Spend Month here.

So, yesterday was the last day of July, so the last day of No Spend Month too! I'd like to say I grew up as a person and now I'm ready to move into the forest to live on mushrooms and berries, but nope, that's not the case. In fact, I think I thought about consuming and consumerism more than ever during this month! I also learned a few lessons, which are pretty obvious to anyone, but I hope I'll keep them in mind in my everyday from now on and actually see something change in the way I spend money in the future.

The things that for me really made all the difference:

1. Budgeting

Well, duh. This is the basis of all things money, and it's so basic that you'd think everyone does this every month. Nooot so. Well, of course I haven't purposefully tried to live beyond my means, but I've always had this (mostly hazy) idea of how much money I have, and then gone from there. It didn't usually go so well. :P

During July, I had a very specific amount of money, which limited my impulse buying a lot. I still bought candy, went out to eat, enjoyed an ice cream every now and then, but I didn't buy something I didn't really need. (And yes, a candy bar can be indeed be a NEED). I didn't buy books, yarn, clothes or basically anything I didn't have a very specific reason and need for. I know I can't stay in my "not-buying-anything"-mode for ever (in fact, I might splurge on an iTunes gift card for myself this very afternoon as a thanks for a job pretty well done), but I am going to budget for those expenses.

We'll see how this things goes. I just made a budget for this month, and while it's not quite as strict as July's, it's still pretty tight. Dirt-poor university student, you know.

2. Meal-planning

I know I said this before, but it's huuuge! I didn't really appreciate it before (and I'm still not very good at it), but it's so freeing to have dinner options, to know what you have in your fridge/freezer/pantry, to know what you need to buy. No stress!

The down-side of  meal planning was, for me, that I really get bored of my cooking preeettty fast. Even in July, i just had to eat out because I was too hungry and tired and moody to cook. Cooking takes time, initiative and creativeness that I just don't have every day. What helps, though, is to have enough space (or "grace" as most blogs seem to call it) for the occasional eating-out, as long as it stays occasional. Easier said than done, but I know this helped for me. "Meal-pooling" (like car-pooling?), I mean getting together with friends and cooking a huge batch of something and sharing it is great too. Especially if you're easily bored by your own cooking, like certain people here.

3. Attitude

This is not so easily explained, but I think it belongs here anyway. One of the reasons why I started No Spend Month in the first place was that I was tired of not knowing where I stand, financially. But as the month progressed, I kind of realized that I had no idea where I stood, not only money-wise but also emotionally and spiritually. I hope you don't take this as some kind of an I've-found-God-coming-out-of-the-proverbial-closet thing, because FYI, I'm still agnostic. It's rather that I've had time and space to ponder on the meanings different things have for me.

One of these "realizations" is that I really don't care for money that much. Yes, I wish I had more of it, I wish I could spend more freely without thought to what my bank account says, but at the moment that's just not realistic at all. With that I also realized that I want to spend my days doing things I enjoy, and if I make money out of them, that's a plus. Of course I hope to be creative and energetic and amazingly brilliant at everything I do, and that all that effort will make me rich one day, but honestly? I just want to live my life in a way that makes me happy. This may sound trite and superficial (because there are just about million blogs out there claiming these very things and sometimes it feels like I read them all), but I've had enough of being sad and depressed and miserable and ashamed to last me a life time. I'm ready to move forward to finding what really inspires and uplifts me to do amazing, wonderful, awe-inspiring things. Wouldn't you want that in your life too?


Oh, and the No Spend Month?  The final sum was 102,05€, so a bit over the budget. To my defense the extra was mainly from the bottle deposits and such, so I really didn't have to use any extra money to cover that over-spending. Let's just say that very tight budgeting and extreme exam stress don't go well together. A girl just had to have some chocolate, and chocolate is expensive.



Älä Osta Mitään (Turhaa) -kuukausi on (vihdoin!) ohi, ja vähän mentiin miinukselle. Pankkitili näyttää silti plussaa, mikä on hämmentävää sinänsä. Kuun aikana tuli mietittyä paljon omia kulutustottumuksia ja -asenteita, ja toivottavasti myös muutettua niitä parempaan suuntaan. Budjetin vääntäminen ja seuraaminen on ollut yllättävän hauskaa ja samalla haastavaa. Omiin ruokiin kyllästyin muutamassa viikossa, opinpahan senkin, että budjettiin pitää jättää jonkin verran ilmaa mm. ulkona syömiselle. Tässä elämänvaiheessa se tuntuu elintärkeältä harrastukselta. Kaikista suurin muutos on kuitenkin tapahtunut ajatusmalleissa ja -asenteissa. Vaikka ÄOM(T) -kuukausi on varsinaisesti vain rahaan liittyvä, on se kannustanut miettimään elämäntapoja ja -arvoja laajemminkin. Toivottavasti kuun opit kantavat pitkälle tulevaisuuteen. 

Looking forward to it

Last night, I had a trouble sleeping, because ... well, I'm not even sure why exactly, but I knew one of the sources of the can't-sleep-angst was the upcoming fall and all the choices I have to make and live with. So, I took my beautiful little notebook, just perfect for the lists, really; and wrote some goals down.

The timeframe varied from one day up to a year - even though I was tempted to write a five-year-plan, because I'm a sucker for long-term plans, but I also know it's much harder to actually stick to those promises in such a long timeframe. Because life, you know, happens.

But I thought I would share the lists in all their crypticness (that's what you get for writing lists at 2 am.!), ad maybe they'll inspire you to think about where you're planning on going with your life in the next day/week/twelvemonth or so.

Things I want from my life (gotta love a pompous title, yes?):

Tomorrow (this being TODAY) I want to...
- go aqua jogging with Paula (done!)
- study for the stupid exam for at least 4 hours (I still have about three to go...)
- visit my parents'  house (I decided I didn't want it after all, they're on a trip so they wouldn't have been there anyway) 

In August I want to...
- write at least 10 blog posts (for either TT or PV)
- make some decisions concerning the blogs and get started on that homesite
- finish and pass the communications exams and the language course
- make a timetable for the school year and register to courses (I actually made the timetable today (totally procrastinating on that exam studying))
-actively started on producing things for my Etsy shop, if that's still what I want (this includes some plan-making and number-crunching too) 

During the coming 12 months I want to...
- finish my B.Soc.Sci and get started on my Master's thesis
- apply for the exchange program early next year
- have reached and happily passed the 20,000 views on my blogs (only those of my own count!)
- have finished at least one (no matter how awful) manuscript (I get to choose which one)

Do you think these sound un-/reasonable?

I've been thinking a lot lately about the direction where I want to go, what I want to do and how I want to spend my life. At the same time I really want to succeed on those things I've started or am about to start, so I found this exercise helpful for giving some time perspective as well. None of those things are something I believe to be beyond my skills or abilities at the moment, but of course shi life happens and then I'll just have to reassess.


For the visual entertainment value you get an oldie OOTC picture of a rose. Not sure how it's connected with this theme, but I've been assured that everything is connected. Maybe even a rose and life plans. 




Täällä on tehty suunnitelmia tulavaisuuden varalle; huomiseksi, ensi kuuksi, tulevaksi vuodeksi. Jos edes jotain saan aikaan, voin olla itseeni tyytyväinen. Toisaalta tuntuu hyvältä, että minulla on jo iso lista asioita, jotka oikeasti palavasti haluan päästä totetuttamaan (jos ei tenttiin lukua lasketa - mutta sekin palvelee suurempia päämääriä).

Foodie Friday: Baking Experiences

Okay, so I KNOW it's not Friday and I'm a day late, but I'm starting a new feature concentrating of food and baking and funny stuff I do in the kitchen. And yes, it's called Foodie Friday (I just love a good alliteration) and I'll try my best to actually publish those posts on Fridays. But for this one time, you'll get a Foodie Saturday instead. :D

Anyway, I've been cooking and baking a lot this month, thanks to the No Spend Month challenge I'm participating in. It's just so much easier and cheaper(!) to cook for yourself, and since I made the decision to bake all the goodies (more or less, anyway), my kitchen has seen surprisingly lot of action this month.


For some reason, there has been two things on my brain for weeks; bread buns and mocha cakes. Those are both something that every Finnish mother has baked at some point for their children and their friends, and also, one of the certain recipes to learn at home education on seventh grade.

Still, for some reason I haven't made either since I moved out from my parents' and I thought it was about time to change that. It didn't help that every time I had a craving for something sweet, my brain would start chanting "mocha cakes, mocha cakeeees..." and whenever I felt like eating a little something that same brain would go and shout "bread buuuns, bread buns...". And really, I don't even like coffee/mocha or eat bread at home!

But still, something HAD to be done.

I thought to myself, "If just start with the bread buns, they're almost like proper food... I'm sure I don't have the energy for the mocha cakes afterwards." Yeah, right. The bread dough was still raising when I started looking for the perfect mocha cake recipe.

The bread looks yummy, doesn't it? Let me tell you, fresh bread straight from the oven tasted just as good as I remembered, if not even better. I also made some home made ice tea to go with all these treats. I'm still looking for the perfect recipe, but I also believe in "practice makes perfect" adage! One thing that really helps though, is that I try to remember to freeze some fresh sliced lemons and lemon juice to put into the tea. It makes the whole drink feel so special (and cold!) and takes no time at all.

And the mocha cakes? Well, they were delicious. The operative word being were. I can't believe I ate all that sugar in just a couple of days. I'll have to share with you the story about the frosting, though. I learned (among other things), that boiling sugar sticks to your fingers like nothing else... 

But darn, they were deliciooous. Even if I really don't like coffee. 

Recipes to come, tomorrow maybe!

Leivontahiiri puraisi, ja tempasinpa sitten uuniin paitsi pari pellillistä kaurasämpylöitä, myös aina niin ihania mokkapaloja. Ja enhän siis edes syö leipää (ainakaan kotona), saati sitten juo tai edes tykkää kahvista. Oli kyllä vaan niin hirmu hyviä kaikki taas kerran, en varmasti pääse laihtumaan. Nimenomaan siis oli. 

No Spend Month - Halfway there!

I promised an update on my No Spend Month and here it comes.

So far I have been pretty surprised how well it's been going. There has been good days, bad days, and everything in between. At the same time I've realized that a week or two weeks or even a month is not really that much time. I have started dreaming bigger dreams.

What has made all the difference, is that I finally have some kind of a grasp as to where I am, financially. I know when my bills are due, how much money I can expect each month and how much I'll have to put aside for compulsory expenses only. And even for the rest, I have made some hatchling plans. Let's see how well I'll stick to those.

Besides just money, I have been inspired. I have been inspired to consider how I really want to spend my time at this point of my life, and what I can do about it so that my days are filled with things that I find joyful, inspiring, and empowering. Even though I still have a lot of steps to take, I have planned a some kind of a path for myself, and that has helped tremendously. So, in just a few weeks, days really,  I have been inspired to take grasp of my life. Finally, some could say.

Besides these very thoughtful feelings, I have also made some very practical things inspired by the No Spend Month. Things that are going to save me lots of money in the long run, and just finally making time for these things has been very motivating as well. The biggest things so far has been:

1. Budgeting. Needless to say, writing all my purchases down is a very eye-opening exercise. Even though I know this is far from my "usual month" (spending-wise), it has made me think how much I have been depending on shopping as a recreational habit. And how much money that habit has cost me over the years.

2. Meal-planning. All mothers with families to feed know this already, but planning my meals in advance has made a huge difference in my eating habits. I haven't planned something for each day (as is usual, I guess), but rather I have a list of meals I have all the ingredients ready in my fridge and pantry, so whenever I feel hungry I consult my list and decide what to cook next. And then I eat the left-overs (and not throw them away when they get forgotten and eventually turn bad) because I'm really a rather lazy cook. Now, whenever I feel hungry, I have no excuse for grabbing some ready-made stuff at the grocery store just because I'm hungry and feel like eating just something. Instead, I recognize the impulse for what it is - laziness.

3. Resisting My Sweet Tooth. Very much related to meal-planning, I made myself a promise: if I want something sweet and sugary, I have to make/bake it myself (instead of running to grasp some chocolate bars so I can eat them all in one go). So far I haven't quite succeeded every time, but for the most part my candy/chocolate etc. eating is down by about 70%. Once again, most of the time I'm just too lazy, to first plan what I want to bake, then baking it, and then still washing up all the dishes. On the other hand, it's been marvelous to try out all the wonderful recipes for the stuff I have had in my pantry and freezer for ages. I'll have to make a post about my successful (and not-so-successful) baking attempts at some point, so stay tuned.

4. Getting Rid of Useless Expenses. I finally got around to quitting my internet connection. Now that sounds pretty drastic, but the truth is, I have been paying this year for internet I didn't need! Since early this year, internet through cable has been included in the rent, so my paying for the other internet has been a total waste of money. Now that that's handled, it's 24 euros saved, every month. Inspired by that,  I also switched my electricity company to one that charges less. That's about 5-10 euros saved every month. These things put together, I'm going to have smaller and fewer bills to pay every month. Sweeeet.

5. Finding Out Where My Money Goes. This has been a huge thing, I tell you. Of course I had a pretty good idea, but seeing it written down has a way of making one consider if eating out that many times a month is that good an idea. That is not to say, that I don't want to eat out at all, but all in all, this whole project has made a lot more conscious about my spending.

Considering these things, and my previous musings, I'm pretty happy about where I am in my 100€ budget. So far I have used 55,75€, so it's a bit more than half of all the money, but still pretty good. I should be able to stay within the limits, but it will be a close thing. But that's okay, too!

Sorry for the super-long post (by my usual standards), but I hope it's been helpful! I'll keep you updated, and let you know about my feelings when the whole things is (finally) over.


Pientä päivitystä budjetti-tietoiseen kuukauteeni. Suurin muutos on tapahtunut päässä, asiat ja ideat ja tunnelmat on myllänneet ympäriinsä, ja uskoisin kokeilulla olevan yllättävän pitkäkantoisia seurauksia. Käytännön puolellakin olen saanut konkreettisia asioita aikaiseksi, ihana vaan tietoisemmalla shoppailulla ja ruoanlaitolla ja ennen kaikkea turhien menojen karsimisella. Jo sen ymmärtäminen, mihin kaikki raha katoaa kuukauden aikana on ollut kiinnostavaa sinänsä. Kokeilu jatkuu, siitä myöhemmin vielä lisää.